Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
