Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
