I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
