Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
