he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
