I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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