Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
