After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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