sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
