Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You smell like stripper and shame
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
