My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
