Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
