i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
