k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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