So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
