I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
