I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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