Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
