I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We're too hungover to prance.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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