Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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