Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
