what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How external is "for external use only"?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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