I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
