I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
