We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
