We won't sleep together?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
