I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize