There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
