My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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