I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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