i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she looked like the before picture.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
