So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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