I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
