meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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