you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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