Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
