those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
