She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
