but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
