I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
