now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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