everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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