just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
