but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
