If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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