please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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