Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
