she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
