Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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