Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
