I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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