i already hear my dad disowning me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
