WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize