it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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