So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
