so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
