The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
