Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
