I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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