Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
