apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
