YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
