Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
