saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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