Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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