I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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