I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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