the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
