Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
