Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
