i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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