whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
