All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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