omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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