North Korea, Best Korea!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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