I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
