I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
