Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hippo gnu deer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize