you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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