Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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