just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
