I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
